i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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