I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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