koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
