She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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