Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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