i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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