It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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