if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
