But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
