Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
