Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Randomize
