Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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