I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
