I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
