There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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