she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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