just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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