Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize