dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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