your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
