good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize