Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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