hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
