If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
