well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
