i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
