I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize