Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
