I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
