I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
