you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
