i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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