there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
