Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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