My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your dad touched me again.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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