return my video game
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
