I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
