I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
