No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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