Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
