I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
