and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
