hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
