and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
