you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
