I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
