Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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