Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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