i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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