One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want a musical about memes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
