soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
