My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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