There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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