Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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