Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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