she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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