Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
