real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize