he shaved USA in his pubs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize