Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
