So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Houston, we have a blender
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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