I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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