Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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