"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We just shotgunned beers for America
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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