i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
