nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
