the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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