That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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