and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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