Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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