So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
